I Cried Today - Are You OK?

Is this the new normal? Anyone else struggling with this weird not-lockdown/lockdown period of time we’re currently navigating? I’m a hot sweaty mess in this photo. Bendy mask ear, wispy allotment messed hair, & I breathed my mask in when I took the picture at the flower shop because I’m super awkward at selfies. I only took it as I realised I had no pics of me in a mask & I’d probably want to remember this weird stage of life when I’m old. I cried today, I just want a nice world for my kids to grow up in.

Something that really is helping me right now is looking for the wonder in the mundane. It's something I talk about lots - "Mundane Magic" I like to call it.

I use the word wonder a lot, it’s the word I hold in my head as soon as I wake up each day. It helps me to navigate this strange messed up world with joy and enchantment. To be a playful mum to my children.
Seeing the world through eyes of wonderment gives me the strength I need to carry on pushing for social change. Once you start to notice the wonder in everything life flows so easily. I find if I think too much about all the shit stuff happening right now I feel like I’m drowning.

Tens things that are bringing me wonder right now:

✨The late afternoon summer sunlight (as captured in this picture)
✨Holding the cups of tea Will makes me against my palm-I love the feel of the boiling cup.
✨Listening to the dawn chorus.
✨Leaving our blind open on the window above our bed at night so we can feel the breeze and wake up with the sun.
✨Funny conversations with the girls.
✨Reading beautiful books.
✨Watching some awesome documentaries.
✨Singing Disney tunes with the girls at the top of our lungs.
✨Snuggling my head under Will’s beard.
✨Walking barefoot.

Another thing that has really helped me this week is this incredible book by my favourite author, Matt Haig (you should follow him on social media he is an amazing mental health advocate and all round lovely man). My lovely husband bought me a signed copy for our wedding anniversary and I devoured it in one sitting and plan to re-read it. You should all go and read The Midnight Library right now, it is so relevant to the weird world we now find ourselves navigating.

It’s the simple things that bring me the most joy and wonder. It’s taken me a long time to realise that actually! I cried today, but I also went for a walk in the sunshine, we bought sunflowers & the girls got a new doll each they have saved up for months for. I chatted to a lonely, frail old man after he commented on Ava’s blue hair & how much she liked to climb. He said we were the first people he had seen smile that day- “everyone is miserable nowadays” he said. We planted bulbs at the plot ready for flowers in spring (a small ray of hope for the future). We met our best friends. I foraged rosehips & unloaded my worries whilst the kids fired bulrush canons at each other. I had a cuppa with my mum knowing it will be the last time I go in her house for a while, I felt sad thinking of her possibly having to spend a winter tucked up indoors alone.

I cried today, but I also found pockets of wonderful joy too. I guess this is my new normal.

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