Wonderment {Finding the magic in the mundane}

I use the word wonder a lot, it’s the word I hold in my head as soon as I wake up each day. It helps me to navigate this strange messed up world with joy and enchantment. To be a playful mum to my children.

Seeing the world through eyes of wonderment gives me the strength I need to carry on pushing for social change. Once you start to notice the wonder in everything life flows so easily. I find if I think too much about all the shit stuff happening right now I feel like I’m drowning.

I used to be terrified of my life being mundane. I would actively resist anything I considered "boring" and would become moody and down if my days felt routine and stagnant. It has taken a lot of inner work to get the bottom of these feelings and when they started.

I root it all to my dad's terminal illness and eventual death. I was living with my parents and helped care for him throughout. Watching this bright, vivid giant of a man deteriorate (my dad was not mundane and lived a big life). Holding him whilst he took his last breaths alongside my brothers and my mum. Well, it frightened me. More than I realised, and I dealt with it by trying to live big. I was (still am actually) scared of tomorrow. Terrified of not living big, not fulfilling the gift of life I've been given, not spending enough time with the children or seeing/doing all the things.

My dad passed away on my 25th birthday. I've always leaned into the spiritual "woo-woo" stuff in life and took this as some huge sign, some message from the universe. A nudge from dad that I needed to spend my life chasing dreams. Having to cut our travel plans short last year, feeling like I'd failed by having to return home, being sucked back into the 9-5 mundane routines in life hit me big time. I felt so down. I have changed as a person and had new priorities in life, I felt lost and utterly alone. I couldn't find my place in the world, in my family, I felt like my life didn't fit me anymore.

I've spent the last six months working on myself and reflecting on these uncomfortable feelings. I've finally worked through the grief of losing dad and the anger I harbored from that dark time in my life. Something that has really helped me is to find the magic in the mundane. We are surrounded by it all the time - you just have to look hard enough.

Today we went to the seaside. A small stretch of the Lincolnshire coast where dad used to take me when I was little whilst my mum was working. I wrote this whilst staring out to sea...

"The sea here is brown. It isn't as blue as the sea we were swimming in last year. The waves are bitingly cold against our skin. The sand is brown too and the clay stains your skin. It prickles your feet underfoot as you run. The sun is straining to peek out from behind heavy grey clouds as the wind blows strong. The view isn't of mountains or rainforests, or vast tropical oceans. We see shipping containers, fishing trawlers, and wind turbines. But we still swim and jump over the foamy brown waves with smiles on our faces. We chase each other across the sand and smear clay on our arms and faces. We huddle under towels against the cold winds, and look out across the bleak brown sea. Because this is life, these small pockets of magic in the mundane rhythmic days and turning of the years."

It's a bit grim on the east coast many would say. But I have been choosing lately to see the beauty and wonder in everything we do.

The magic in the mundane.

Tens things that are bringing me wonder right now:

The late afternoon summer sunlight.
Holding the cups of tea Will makes me against my palm-I love the feel of the boiling cup.
Listening to the dawn chorus.
Leaving our blind open on the window above our bed at night so we can feel the breeze and wake up with the sun.
Funny conversations with the girls.
Reading beautiful books.
Watching some awesome documentaries.
Singing Disney tunes with the girls at the top of our lungs.
Snuggling my head under Will’s beard.
Walking barefoot.

It’s the simple things that bring me the most joy and wonder. It’s taken me a long time to realise that actually!

1 comment

  1. I have that terrifying feeling often too. That somehow I’m not “living” enough. That there isn’t enough adventure. But then we look at the kids and everything is an adventure to them. I wrote a quote a while ago and if I feel like I have itchy feet to adventure big I use it to ground me!
    “Everyday is an adventure if you spend it with the right people!”